Fear. Most of the times we are faced upon it. Sometimes we create it, and sometimes it is real, but how real it is may depend on how you understand fear.
Fear is a real sensation, alas, as real as any other sensation, depending on how much you want to feel or are sensitive to feelings in general. Some people are known to “feel” more than others, and this – in some way – apparently helps them go through tough and demanding times. Other people, on the other hand, are very susceptible to get hurt by minor things, and may look “frail” in comparison to others. Actually, there is a condition called “Hypersensitivity” for some people highly exposed to both external and internal stimuli.
There is no measure for pain, as there is no measure for fear. It is all a mind trick in reality. Of course there are situations in which we consider to be in jeopardy (us or those around us) and fear may kick as a result of the secretion of adrenaline into our system, telling our most primitive brain to either run or fight in difficult situations. Again, a measure of a difficult situation varies from one individual to the other.
What is true though, is that fear can be a contagious feeling. One person finds a good reason to panic and, if this reason seems like a correct response for others, fear will start spreading like a virus. Sociological phenomena like hordes and stampedes in which hundreds of people are stomped upon usually start by fear being triggered for overrated reasons. And in the cases of our own emotions, most of our fears are induced by ignorance rather than the real situation of a particular nature, because we are programmed to feel fear by default.
You see, most of the times we will see people rejecting something on the basis of their lack of knowledge of that being offered.
“Oh yeah?…and what if there’s something bad inside the box?”
That is how we are programmed to think. That something is dangerous because we don’t know it. We don’t know what is inside the box and therefore we reject it on the basis of pure, instinctive fear. Something explodes inside our limbic brain producing a set of changes inside which are bound to “protect” us from the evil coming out once we open the box. We run, we seek shelter, we don’t bother to see think about what could be inside that box. Fear takes over us and voilá, we are so gone away from the box.
Even thought the box is wrapped beautifully and elegantly, we still fear it because its contents are unknown and some will go as far as automatically assuming there is something bad hidden inside, waiting to hurt us as soon as we open that dreaded box. And some continue in this never-ending process of being faced upon beautiful gifts because fear will impose itself over other feelings, such as happiness, joy, satisfaction and gratitude and sadly enough, missing on great opportunities because they can’t find themselves strong – or curious enough – to open the box.
“Are you sure it is safe to open it?”
Fear is a powerful emotion, even greater than anger or joy. Fear is dangerous because it has a paralyzing effect in the least-worse scenario and in its worse one, a reaction that most likely will aggravate things that maybe weren’t that bad to begin with. Let me show an example:
Back when I was in High School, I had a very close friend of mine. We use to ride together in the school bus sometimes as we lived near each other, even though we were in different classes. One day there was a huge storm during the night and streets were packed and flooded, so his mom drove us to school. Since we lived on a hill, the road was still slippery and on a turn the car began to skid and his mom immediately let go of the wheel and started panicking. In that moment, my friend – sitting on the front seat and 13 as me – told his mom to let go of the brake pedal and he took the wheel himself to regain control of the car as his mom could put herself back and stop the car safely. Later on that day I asked my friend how did he manage to find the resolution to take the wheel and save the day and his response was: “My mom freaks out for everything and we could have crashed because of her fear”
In that moment everything fell on its place. I understood that my friend was clear about what could come out of his mom reaction, and knew how to react in order to avoid damage. His mind was somewhat ready for what could happen and already had a response waiting.
Some days ago, in Cabo, I was faced upon another fear, another black box to open. A beautiful horseback ride by the seashore was going to take place and everybody in the convention wanted to join the fun…everybody except me. The fear came back, took over me again. To my heart came the memories of a bad experience I went through as a young girl. Someone fell off a horse, got hurt really bad, I witnessed it all and my emotions of riding a horse were locked inside another black box, never to be opened again. Little did I know life would put a ribbon into this black box and present it to me, again, in this trip.
“I’ll open the black box….but you open it first ok?”
The horse was gentle, brown and sweet. His name was “Payaso” (Spanish for clown) and he knew, before me, that we would ride together that gorgeous sunset. When someone fearful of horses comes, the handlers always give the job to Payaso, as he deals with scary humans like me. As I climbed on the saddle, I felt an immediate connection with the animal, but not a fearful one but more of a tranquil one, a peaceful and soothing sensation.
It is obvious that the horse was used to deal with this and was able to transmit as much trust as possible, so we both could have a joyful time, which is what happened at the end. After the ride, I was smiling and happy, and before I left, there was Payaso, glancing at me from afar, happy he was able to have another quiet ride. I know he ignores how much he helped me, but for me, this horse became a black box with a beautiful gift inside.
Fear is a gauge, a measuring device. It allows us to know how bad things can turn if we make a mistake. They are windows into a future that could happen, warning us of the perils and dangers, but it is not decided futures to come. If we fear something, maybe knowing a little more about what causes it, is a better way to understand it and ultimately, making it work in favor of us, and not against us.
Not all black boxes have something bad inside of them.
Andreina Maneiro.